Books about sex and romance should be exceptionally smart and dirty or exceptionally mindless and dirty. This self-proclaimed “faux romance,” a collaborative novel edited by conceptual artist Rita McBride, hits neither mark.

McBride snagged a number of interesting collaborators for the project, including Douglas Coupland, Michael Turner, and John Baldessari, and the ridiculous mound of plastic known to the world as Fabio. Contributors were each asked to contribute one chapter exploring the virginal Genny O.’s deflowering, her collision with an artist of some fictitious repute, and the harbouring of a secret.

The book is a good idea bogged down by average writing. Outlandish sexual suggestions could have overcome the book’s literary shortcomings, but this is a surprisingly modest collection with too many stock scenarios. Genny O. herself is often an obscure and fragile little girl, mistreated by some boorish steady until Mr. Everything comes along. The collection was intended as a parody and a commentary on the romance novel, but it’s not easy to spoof the genre that gave us the phrase “throbbing manhood.” Heartways needs a little more romance and a lot more faux.

The best way to really send up the world of romance would have been to write something exceedingly self-aware and funny, fusing clever text with some good old-fashioned getting it on. Instead we’re stuck with a few obscure, non-provocative pieces and several more that too closely resemble the “Daily Read” at eHarlequin.com.